The real me..

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss 


This has been a hard topic for me to write about. I have struggled with my decision to make this post mainly because I worried that people would change their perception of me...

The fact is.. I.. like thousands of others suffer from depression.

You know the commercial "depression hurts".. it is so true. It is a constant struggle and very hard to live with every day. The type of depression I have is called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) it affects 3-8% of women in their reproductive years.The most common symptom is irritability; however, many women also report depressed mood, anxiety, or mood swings. These symptoms start one to two weeks before a woman's cycle begins and ends completely when the cycle starts.

The way that I tend to describe it is "Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde"... I am completely normal until about 10 days before my cycle and then I completely change. Little things will set me off , I get insane headaches that feel like someone is stabbing me in the head.. even little sounds will make it unbearable. I will cry for no reason and remove myself from whatever is going on around me as much as I can. I have felt like packing my bags and leaving my family.... not because I don't love them , but because I don't want them to be around me during that time.

I finally went and spoke to my Dr. a few months ago when it was just too much to handle on my own.. I remember breaking down in his office and telling him that I felt like a horrible mother and wife.. and that my family deserved better than me. He reassured me that I was not alone, that there are so many others out there exactly like me and gave me a big hug. He put me on the pill to see if that would help but it didn't, so I started an anti-depressant and it has helped so much. I had a few side effects (shaky hands, the sweats and loss of appetite) but they seem to have stopped now.

I am confident that continuting my medication and continuing to take care of myself ( let's face it moms.. we put ourselves last on the totem pole!).. that I will get better, not 100% but I will atleast learn how to deal with it.

Writing this post was not meant as a cry for sympathy,  if even one person reads this and get's the help they need then putting this out there for the whole world to read was worth it.

There are so many different levels of depression.. if you think you are suffering from depression please visit http://www.depressionhurts.ca/en/ for helpful information. Also , if you have someone in your life who is suffering from depression.. HELP them as much as possible.. sometimes all we need is a soft shoulder to cry on and a comforting hug to help us through..